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Electronic Elasticity

Tuesday, August 16, 2005

How Will the End of (work) days shape up? Joe and I figured it out.

The following is a series of Emails between Rodney and Myself, Today, tuesday the 16th of August..

Joe: HOLY CRAP I DIDN'T EVEN REALIZE THERE'S ONLY 1 WEEK LEFT AFTER THIS ONE. WOOT

Dave: Yah man. 8 Days. and Friggin counting.This upcoming weekend is like a shining milestone of amazing, work-soon-ending jovialness. W00t

Joe:Too bad things will slow to a crawl on monday when the internet connection goes down and you have to do QA on 20 websites using a 56k connection. Priority: Urgent.

Dave: But they will be better on tuesday when your boss becomes obsessively attacted sexually to the nearest office Fikus, approximately around Lunch time.

Joe: Aspedistras burst forth from the walls, and for wednesday and thursday everyone is trapped in the building while firemen do their best to hack through the foliage but it is of no use.
A local man sells a strange mixture of alcohol and caffeine in a thick, sugary liquid form to the city for billions of dollars.
The problem is soon resolved.

Dave: On friday, your final day at your co-op job, as you enter the building you notice a small paper sign next to a little tin that reads: "Please have a candy."

Inside the little tin are some small, hard candies of various flavours. You deliberate, and choose lime.

The intstant that you pop said candy into your mouth, the space-time continuum is irrevocably altered, and you regain consciousness to find yourself shaking hands with your boss and bidding everyone goodbye, after a dimly remembered day of Jovial nothingness.


Joe:I take the blue pill
Dave: ...

Joe: [north]
you arrive in a shady copse of trees. There is a rock in the middle with writing on it.
You see:
3 vicious badgers
1 gnome of the ages

Dave: Clearly the blue pill was a bad call, as gnomes of the ages are the most dangerous of last-working-day hazards.
If you do not die to the gnome of ages, press "s. /examine"

If you /examine the rock in the middle, you will find a penknife and a small fortune cookie, which when broken open, reads:
"Stealing Office Supplies on your last Day is not only acceptable, but stylish, and will incur no bad karma. Beware of mushrooms. You Like Chinese food."

Joe: An image coalesces in front of you. It is of a toad wearing a beanie cap.

The toad is standing upright and is wearing a mechanic's outfit.

"Beware the lures of the office supplies" he warns, "For the last day is the worst day to indulge" he adds.
At this he removes his cap and holds it as if in a solemn rememberanceto an old friend

"If it is office supplies you desire, you must take them today,tomorrow, or thursday at the latest"

The vision sits on the rock.

"Last week would have been a better time to get your office supplies from work. You'll be wanting to take them in a few small batches between now and thursday, and make sure that what you take each day can be easily attributed to some other pursuit in the slim chance thatthings go sour. Also, do not raid the supply cabinet for more than a couple of things unless no-one is around. Most important of all, when you open the cabinet, look as though you are frustrated at the quality of office supplies at your desk which has forced you to miss precious minutes from your valuable work schedule just so that you can have second-rate stationary supplies at your desk again, which will no doubt break again in a day and you'll have to get another 5 pads of paper goddammit"
With that the toad swirls into oblivion.
You are now standing in a kitchen.

Dave: Mindful of the toad mechanic's warnings, but also happily remembering your fortune cookie predictions, you decide the proper course of action is to order a satisfying Chinese food luncheon from the Short order cook standing in the Kitchen, and to refrain from stealing office supplies.

You approach the short order cook to place your order of delicious noodles, but find your way blocked by an angry Bob Barker.

What to do?

Joe: Deactivate him
Dave: And with that, cue Lunch break

Joe: Yum.

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